


Finding you sooner

by Immawritesomeshit



Category: Gintama
Genre: Angst, F/M, Family, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-09 18:43:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15273885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Immawritesomeshit/pseuds/Immawritesomeshit
Summary: Gintoki watches. Kagura grieves.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. This is my first Gintama fic.
> 
> I've always loved the relationship between Gintoki and Kagura, even when it is not necessarily romantic. 
> 
> This is my take on it.

She always dismissed him as an idiot big brother, so Gintoki didn't really pry into her situation much. Unlike the Shimura siblings (who were so sickeningly close that it even gave him diabetes) he knew that not every sibling relationship would be ideal.

  
The most he pictured him as was an absent older sibling, a bit of a brat because Kagura- the youngest- received more attention than him.

  
"My idiot of a brother" she called him. Gintoki became fond of it- Kagura had a habit of calling everyone she loved an idiot.

  
That is, until he saw the orange haired creature try to murder her. Until he smelled the bloodlust. Until he sensed Kagura's fear.

  
For a second, he thought he had lost her.

  
It was _his_ name she whispered before she fell off the bridge.

  
_Kamui_.

  
He's not worth it.

  
He wasn't worth all the love his sister still held for him.

  
Kagura was bleeding. Her arm bending unnaturally. But _he_ was all she could talk about.

  
The shock. The shock at how a sibling tried to kill her right after they were finally reunited.

  
The pain. The heartbreak.

  
"He hates me" she whispered.

  
Gintoki couldn't forgive him- the person who taught this child so full of love what hatred was.

  
She was always so bright and so strong and her tears burned him as they fell on his arms and he tightened his hold, tightening it as if to say _I'm **here** **I'm** here **I'm here**._  
To say _you are **loved**   **you** are loved **you are loved.**_

Gintoki found himself watching Kagura's expressions as she observed the siblings around her. The genuine happiness would now and then be marred by a flicker of jealousy, and that night he would bring her an extra box of sukonbu or some chocolates or extra eggs on her rice.

  
And every time she would look at him with big,blue eyes and ask him "Gin-chan, what are you apologising for?" And he says "shut up and be thankful, brat."

* * *

  
But then he thinks "I'm sorry for not finding you sooner." 


	2. Kagura

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kagura has courted absence for too long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kagura's perspective. Yay!

Kagura doesn't know what the Yorozuya is to her.

Shinpachi she can identify. Shinpachi is her earth-mom, the person who cleans up after everyone's mess. Just like Mami, the person who runs the household. The person who nurtures.

But she can't understand where her Gin-chan fits in.

_Is he a father?_ She wonders.

The only father she knows is an absence at the dinner table. The absence at Mami's bed when she still sleeps, leaving room for someone else. The absence in the room when Mami's eyes flickered over it, searching but not finding, before she breathed her last.

A baldie that showed up in her life when she learned to live without him, and threatened to take her away to a life with that absence again.

But Gin-chan has never left her alone. Gin-chan is not an absence.

_Is he a brother?_

Kamui is the only brother she has known. All rage and violence. She still remembers a bit of another side of Kamui, but she can't find it inside him anymore.

What is a brother?

Someone that leaves you behind.

Another absence. Another ache.

But Gin-chan has never left her alone. Gin-chan is not an absence.

He brings her her beloved sukonbu that night as well, even while complaining that they are low on funds.

"Gin-chan, why are we cohabitating?"

"Kagura. Here. Wash your mouth."

The soap doesn't taste good at all.

"Gin-chan. What are you to me?"She whispers that night after Shinpachi leaves.

He switches the TV off, and turns his attention fully to her. It makes her happy, but also very shy.

"What do you think?" He prods.

There is a slight smile on his face, so unlike the callous grin he usually wears. She scrunches up her face in deep thought. "You're not a father." She whispers. "Nor a brother"

"Then?"

"Ah. I dunno." She had thought he might have answers. "Stupid Gin-chan!"

He laughs, and she feels slightly less pouty.

"That's exactly it, then." He says, his words still ringing with amusement. "I'm your stupid Gin-chan."

"That makes no sense." She argues.

"We make no sense" He supplies. "You're a member of a dying alien race and I'm a retired deadbeat samurai. And now we're here, like this. Together."

"Cohabita-"

He holds up the soap again. She stops.

"Don't think too much into things." He ruffles her hair, and she's almost entirely sure that he wiped a booger there too. "Just ask yourself this- do you like what we have?"

"Yes!" She answers almost too quickly.

"Then that's all you need to think about."

That night she sleeps better, free of all doubts that had plagued her.

She is happy, her heart is settled, but-

_I wish I had met you sooner_.


	3. Kamui

Kamui never really thinks about his sister. As far as he is concerned, she ceased to exist the day he left their home.

She would continue to live there, all alone, in a place he would never return to. And she would die soon, that weakling- probably by the hands of some goon.

He keeps telling himself that's how it will be, until he runs into her in Yoshiwara of all places.

How she got to Earth is anyone's guess. But she is together with some puny earthlings - weak creatures huddling together for some semblance of comfort.

She is all dressed up too- dressed like one of those human whores that parade down the street, and he thinks that she's finally realised what she is - a pretty little thing, fragile and breakable. _Disgusting_.

But then he finds Abuto in the streets, gushing blood, sans a limb, and smiling manically about the little bunny who gave him a run for his life.

_Now I see it runs in the family_ , He laughs.

Kamui punches him on the stomach so hard that he spews out blood. "Don't you dare compare me to her." He growls.

Abuto looks shocked. Kamui thinks it will be hard for Abuto to understand him- he is always overtly happy upon finding another member of their race. He can't fathom any other feeling towards a fellow yato- let alone a sibling.

Nevertheless he also sees that the man has had an ear bitten off, and he unknowingly breaks into a slight smile.

The day she stands in front of him in a battle stance, he realises that she has grown taller. She is still weak, but relentless, and he is almost thrown off by the lack of blood lust he senses from her.

_What kind of a yato are you? You disgrace._

His blood roars in his ears, to fight fight **FIGHT** and make her bleed and make her realise how weak she is. Make her realise that the battlefield is no place for her.

"I will stop you!" She declares, and he nearly scoffs at her words. 

But in the few moments of clarity when the blood ceases to whisper to him, he realises how dangerous her presence is. 

He had blamed his blood for it all- the murders, the bloodshed, the lives he had taken like a vengeful god. He had been unable to protect someone previous to him, he reasoned. It was traumatic enough for him to change. 

It wasnt his fault. He had no other option to grow stronger. 

But here she is- the alternative to every choice he made. Someone who had garnered strength enough to control even her base instincts, whilst he let himself be taken for a ride. 

He knows that what she went through as a child was objectively even worse than the shitstorm it had gifted him. He knows he should have been there, with her, rather than run away from heartbreak and hurt. 

Afterwards she has his head on her lap, and looks at him with an emotion he can't place. Not aversion. Not anger. Not grief. 

"Idiot brother" she whispers. 

The blood quiets down and he can hear her words for what they are.

When he weeps, she puts her palm over his eyes so the world may not ridicule his shame. 


	4. Okita

Sougo never admits it, but he always looks forward to interacting with that one alien girl who never seems to leave his mind. 

He calls her China, Piggy, an illegal alien, a brat... 

_Kagura._

Her name on his tongue sounds weird. He rolls the 'r' a bit, and it sounds lewd. Like he's tasting her name- tasting her essence. It feels too real, and every time he uses her name he becomes more and more aware of her existence. 

She's Kagura, the mild annoyance who grew up into an engaging sparring partner. An unlikely comrade. 

He wonders how she can see past his mask. How she always manages to call him out on his shit.

He should ideally be repulsed by her- especially since she unnerves him, makes him break the cool facade he puts up.

But instead he seeks her again and again and again. 

 _Break my walls,_ he silently begs.  _Unravel me. See me._

And Kagura does it without breaking a sweat. 

"Sadist, you look constipated." She offers.

"I'm taking enough fibres, thankyouverymuch." He answers. 

But he doesn't miss the concern in her voice. He delights in it. 

It scares him at times, how eerily in sync they are. How he can tell when she is in trouble and she can do the same. 

There are many rumours in the Shinsengumi about them. Their innocent fights are interpreted as foreplay and stories are constructed around that assumption. 

He finds it hard not to laugh at them, since the most intimate they have been is her name on his lips. 

_Kagura._

Its his guilty pleasure, but he can only allow himself to sound her name when he is alone. She would be sickened if she happens to hear it.

"Kagura" He whispers at her retreating back after a fight. He is frightened she would hear, but she doesn't. 

She always knows what to say to pick him back up after he falls into pieces. She eases the hurt. But he dare not hope for more. 

Yet he still can't help but wonder. 

_What would it have been like growing up with you? Sharing a lifetime with you?_

Maybe if she were around, he would have had another important presence to cling to. Maybe he wouldn't have felt so shaken upon finding out that Hijikata and his sister had formed a bond that left no space for him. 

Maybe he could have been happy for them instead. Maybe he could have seen her lead a happy life with the one she loved. 

Maybe he would have been able to better understand their feelings since he would be harbouring them himself. 

"You still look constipated." She whispers near him. 

"It's my thinking face." He responds. 

She is quiet for sometime, and then "You think too much, for a chihuahua."

"Huh?" 

"You have other things to worry about, yes? Like me whooping your ass today." She says, and he hides a smile. "What do you have to think so hard about, anyway?" 

"About how I wish we had met sooner." He says shamelessly, and delights in the sudden reddening of her cheeks. 

"Well of-of course you w-would, yes?" She stutters, trying to hide her surprise. 

He watches her fidget for a bit, then turns and walks ahead of her. 

"Since it's my loss I will treat you to that smelly disgusting snack you love so much."

"Yay!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this series has come to an end!   
> Please do let me know how I can better my writing and correct me wherever I do wrong. Criticism, no matter how blunt, appreciated greatly.   
> Thanks for reading !! (^ 0 ^)


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